Category Archives: behaviour

Building Relationships in Meetings

Here’s a quick but powerful tip for building relationships, even while you’re sitting in meetings all day:

Pay attention to the person who’s talking.

Sit up, shut up (your electronics), turn your chair and actually face them. Make eye contact. Not the stalker kind of eye-contact, but enough so they know you’re paying attention to them.

Don’t believe it’s that simple? Next time you’re in a meeting, take a look around at who’s paying attention or not. Not just turning their head, but actually turning their entire body and facing the speaker. Now compare that to somebody who’s merely turning their head. While this is better than not paying attention at all, just turning your head gives off the  body language “I’m better than you” message.

Try it and see what difference it makes in the follow-up relationships you have with the people you meet with regularly.

What Are You Communicating?

One of the more frequent issues facing organizations is around internal communication. Sometimes employees say they don’t know what’s going on despite great effort made at communicating, or the leader has a clear idea of where they want to go but nobody seems to be following.

Even worse is when the leadership thinks it’s doing a good job communicating (“Look, we have a newsletter!”), but the internal survey comes back with “lack of communication” written all over it. This is what I like to call failing the “Am I smoking crack?” check.

Good news: at least you’re checking. That puts you ahead of 90% of the companies out there.

What simple behaviors do leaders who communicate well engage in? Here’s a couple of things I’ve noticed.

  1. Listen  - Maybe your one-way communication to your organization isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s that you’re not listening to what they’re saying. People generally aren’t ready to listen until they feel they’ve been heard. Maybe they’re trying to tell you something important? What are you telling people when you listen to them.
  2. Have a Simple and Consistent Message- remember KISS? “Keep it Simple Stupid?” The “stupid” in this case is not the people you’re talking to. It’s you. If you think that a wordy, complicated, bland message  is going to engage people to action then you’re being stupid.If you’re going to ask people to listen to you at least do them the courtesy and have the courage to actually say something. Be bold, brave, and brief.What is your message?
  3. Link Purpose to Action- can you answer the “So What?” question? Does everybody in your organization know where they fit in? If they don’t know how what they do supports the company – what the company is trying to do and what their part is – then they tend to switch off.If you can’t draw a line between somebody’s role  in your company to the company’s larger vision, strategy, and goals, then why do they work for you again?
  4. See Every Interaction as an Opportunity – every interaction with all employees is an opportunity to communicate. Beginning at the hiring process, on-boarding, newsletters, celebrations, feedback, one-on-ones, coaching, how your company runs meetings, who you fire (or not), who you promote(or not), etc. All the simple things that outstanding managers do well.How does your company behave during a crisis? What does how often and how you communicate say about you and your company? Sometimes it’s a case of “your actions are so loud I can’t hear what you’re saying”.
  5. Forget E-Mail – notice how I didn’t mention e-mails (until now). If you think you’re communicating through e-mail you might want to have another think.  Talking a lot is also not communicating (see point 1. above).
How important do you think communication is in your current rôle? How much time do you think you spend communicating? How much time do you dedicate to “communicating” (and listening) in your daily schedule?

Communicate, Navigate, Execute

I was working on my old motorcycle in garage this winter with a friend who spent some time in the Canadian navy. He reminded me of the old military phrase “Communicate, navigate, and fight.”

A ship, a plane, a soldier all have to be in the right place (navigate), do their job (fight), and tell their superiors what they’ve done (communicate).

I sometimes have interesting conversations in the strangest places.

What It Means In Business

In business, communication is communication. Getting the right information to the right person at the right time so that they can execute their tasks and responsibilities as effectively and efficiently as possible. Which is why the leader(s) of an organization need to have a clear vision of where they’re going (navigate) from the leader of the organization, and be willing to not tolerate lack of performance either in themselves or the organization (execute).

What’s More Important?

Which one of these three  is the most important? No matter what level you are in an organization, if other people report to you my answer would be communicate.

Communicating the vision (navigate), communicating the plan (execute), communicating the results (accountability) are a big part of the job. Yes, you have the do your job, but most of what any manager or leader does has to be communicate.

A soldier has a gun and a shovel. Their “execute” is straight-forward: dig a trench, shoot at the right target. As a leader in a business or otherwise, our execute is done through other’s actions. We set those actions in motions by “communicating”.

Everything is Communication

I’m not just talking newsletters and slide presentations, although these have a place. We “communicate” in almost everything we do in a business, including but not limited to: hiring practices, performance reviews, weekly one-on-one meetings with our direct staff, giving feedback, what we choose to delegate to whom, who we fire, who we promote, who we don’t promote, what we celebrate, who we pursue as customers, which customers we chose to drop, etc.

These are all forms of and opportunities to communicate.

What Most Businesses Suck At

. . . and yet when my clients ask they’re employees what their company could do better, “communicate” comes up over and over again. So ask yourself the following two questions:

1. Do you communicate with your subordinates often and well enough?

2. Does your boss communicate with you often and well enough?

If you ask a room full of managers and executives these questions, many of them will answer “Yes” to the first question, and “No” to the second. Even with their bosses and subordinates in the same room at the same time answering in the same way. Without a hint of irony.

Think about it – are you really better than your boss at understanding where the company is going, and conveying it to your direct reports if she’s not doing a good job with you? Really?

Communicate Until You’re Sick Of It

How much do you need to communicate? Constantly. I like to tell my clients that if you tell everybody in the company the same thing seven different times in seven different ways, it might stick. When you’re sick of talking about your company’s values, vision, and goals, when you think you can’t give the same spiel one more time, then you’re probably just starting to communicate enough.

Who’s the best communicator you ever worked for? What do you think they did well that helped them get their message across?

Manage Your Boss

Last week I promised that I would talk about managing your boss. I’ve written about this in the past, albeit in bits and pieces.

The first step, of course, is to actually do your job.

The second is to communicate to your boss on a regular basis, at least weekly. But first, an important message:

“Managing Upwards” is Stupid and Dangerous

In most cases most of the time your boss is your boss because they’re good at their job and they get things done. Acting like you think they need to be “managed” will only piss them off when they figure it out, and they will. This is a person who has control over your addiction to food, clothing, and shelter. Acting like you think they’re a moron that needs to be controlled is not a good strategy.

Besides, we can’t really control how other people behave. Trying to do so is futile and counter-productive.

What Can You Do?

We can deliver, we can manage the relationship between the boss and ourselves, and we can communicate.

Assuming that you’re competent at your work, whatever that might be, productivity shouldn’t be the issue. If it is, work on that first. Being somebody who delivers what they’re supposed to when they’re supposed to gives you credibility.

Without that credibility, whatever else you do to influence the relationship is just manipulative. In the worst sense of the word. Don’t think people don’t notice. They do.

Deliver The Right Thing

There’s no use climbing the corporate ladder (or getting through the daily grind) if your corporate ladder is against the wrong wall. You may be great at your area of expertise, or maybe you were hired because you certain skills and influence, but . . .

Being really good at your job and delivering the right work products are two different things. I’ve been guilty in the past of working on the things I enjoy doing. Which was fun for me. Not so much for some of my early bosses.

Some of them had the intestinal fortitude to give me the feedback I needed and set my feet upon the right path. The conversation wasn’t always pleasant at the time, but in hindsight I am grateful to them.

What Are Your Boss’s Priorities?

Bosses have priorities, trade-offs, and pressures too. Do you know what keeps your boss up at night? Do you know what company strategic priorities she’s responsible for delivering on? Do you know how what you’re doing supports what she’s trying to accomplish?

What are your company’s, division’s, department’s, and team’s priorities? If you don’t know, how will you find out? Does your organization have them? What is your boss trying to accomplish?

Whether you’re a machinist or a technical writer you probably have the skills, experience, and knowledge needed to perform your job. If you’re really good you’ll understand your part in what your company is trying to do and adjust your priorities and work to line up with what it’s doing.

Shouldn’t that be enough? Unfortunately, it isn’t.

Next Week

Communicating with your boss: do you know their preferred style?

To Touch or Not To Touch

I recently got an e-mail from a former co-worker and current friend, who asked:

Do you think managers should be more ‘touchy-feely’? Here is a pretty interesting collection of studies, summaries that have looked at the power of non-sexual touch.

http://bit.ly/hBIOME

Gord

Hi Gord,

I’ve done a little experiment since you sent this link to me. I’ve reached out and touched some of my clients at the end of our sessions – usually a full open palm on the back, shoulder, or arm. It’s had mixed results. Some seem to welcome the touch. They know that we’re connecting and supporting each other. Others seem to tolerate it, or wonder what I’m up to. I’m not a touchy-feely guy by nature, so my first advice would be:

It Depends

Some people will welcome it and need it. It’s reassuring for them. For others it’s threatening and unwelcome. Likewise unconsciously pulling away from somebody with whom you’re trying to build a relationship, and who reaches out to you, is counter-productive. So my second piece of advice would be:

Watch Carefully

Watch carefully how they react and watch carefully how you react. It comes back to being mindful of what’s happening around you. For those of us who are task/doing oriented versus people oriented this is a conscious effort.

I’m not saying you should start working the room and back-slapping it that’s not your nature (or stop if it is). It might be as simple as not making a face when somebody shakes our hand for a little too long (or noticing when somebody is being uncomfortable with your too-long-for-them handshake).

If you’re more people oriented remember, not wanting to be touched doesn’t mean we don’t like you. Your enthusiastic approach to life is great, but there are some out there who might misinterpret your intentions.

Be Sincere

So if you’re trying to fake sincerity, and if you do you’re going to get busted, you’ll be harming the relationship. If somebody suspect on a subconscious level that you’re hamming it up just to influence them, even if that isn’t your intention, the trust you’re trying to gain will be lost instead. You’re better off keeping your hands to yourself (if that’s who you really are) than coming across as awkward and fake.

The opposite is also true – if you’re an outgoing person by nature, being stiff and formal will be odd, and people will notice. Like a tie that doesn’t match your suit. Better not to wear the tie than to try to fit in.

If you’re Bill Clinton or Tony Robbins, this advice doesn’t apply to you. Influences of that skill and depth have their own personal reality-distortion fields. If you’re not, don’t try and fake it.

In order to influence people, we have to make them feel comfortable and safe. So my last piece of advice is:

Pay Attention

Adjust your behaviour to your audience. Drucker said “Communication is what the listener does.” In this case it means learning to adjust our style on a moment-by-moment basis to the people we’re with and the situation we’re in. Nothing tells somebody we care as much as paying attention to them. There are no cookie-cutter solutions when it comes to people. You want to influence them? Pay attention.


Bears in Camp: Using Culture to Overcome Fear


I was at a Scout Jamboree in Southern Alberta two summer ago, in the foothills of the Canadian Rocky Mountains. Beautiful country with lots of wildlife.

Including bears.

Being Scouts we were prepared. Everybody received instruction on food storage, garbage disposal, and cooking protocols. Young men and women were on stand-by with ATVs and walkie-talkies to respond to any bears that might wander into camp. Rally points and head-counts were established. Think of a fire drill except with bears.

About the fifth day just before supper we go those bears. Right in the heart of 1500 campers. On the siren’s signal we rallied at the sub-camps (large groups of people being a deterrent to bears), and after they proved difficult to dislodge we more at various larger collection points in the facility. Away from our supper and closer to the few hard-sided buildings in camp. Everything was going according to plan.

Scaring Off The Bears

Except for one thing. These kids were tired after a long day of running around in the woods and playing on the water. They were hungry. They could hear the ATVs driving up and down the trails chasing the bears and not having much success. Some of them were starting to get scared. It was time for some leadership!

I leapt on the nearest rock and started singing the silliest, most juvenile “action” song I could think of called “I Found a Bug”. I don’t want to spoil the ending for you, but let’s just say that bugs get eaten. At first people thought I was crazy. This happens a bit so I’ve learned to ignore it. It didn’t take long for the 200 kids at our rally point to start singing along. When I was done two of the Scouts wanted to lead a song themselves. My plan was working. The kids were taking over.

One after the other Scouts got up on the rock and led a song, story, or skit to keep themselves entertained while the bears were chased through the woods. I think my singing have even helped scare them off! Half an hour later the all clear was sounded, and we returned to our campsites prepared our supper, lighter of step and smiles on our faces.

Values are Culture, Culture is Brand

I believe that the stories we tell ourselves, the songs we sing, and the ritual we indulge in is what makes us human. Other animals can use tools, some animals may even use language. We don’t know. But as far as we can tell we’re the only ones that pass knowledge on from generation to generation verbally.
This is a powerful force in our lives, one that we sometimes hesitate to indulge in. We’re suspicious of being manipulated, and rightly so. We don’t have to reach too far back into history to find examples of these forces being used for evil or personal gain.

Yet this is the essence of leadership, good or bad: to nurture and leverage the group consciousness to execute a goal or task that one person cannot accomplish alone. Many business leaders force success by dint of personality, intellect, or sheer stick-to-it-ivness. Yet in the end how effective are they really? How long do their accomplishments last after they’re gone?

If all you want or need is to make money, then there are many ways to do that. If you want to have a real effect on the world you’re going to have to work through others. The others that believe the same things you do, value the same things you do, and will continue having an effect long after your presence has faded.

What is Your Company’s Culture?

Values are culture, culture is brand. What stories does your company tell about itself? What is the real brand that emerges in times of stress?

How to Empower Your Employees

I had an interesting search term show up in my web metrics the other day. When Google or some other search engine sends somebody to my blog I can see the search terms they entered that landed them at my page. The one that caught my eye was:

“how to get my people to stop coming to me for everything”

It’s Called Co-Dependence

“Stop answering all their questions” would be the simple answer. “But Bernie”, says you, “chaos would ensue. Without me to tell them what to do every minute of the day they wouldn’t know how to scratch their behinds.” And you’d be right. If you’re going to treat them like morons, they’re going to act like morons. It’s your own fault.

They’re helpless because you keep rescuing them. You keep rescuing them because they’re helpless. See how that works? You’re going to have to break the cycle. Yes, they might screw up, and yes, you might have to clean it up. Sometimes. But not every time, and much less often than you might think. Even less often as time goes on. Here’s the thing:

They won’t take they’re responsibilities unless they’re allowed to screw up and bear the consequences. Of course, if you enjoy the thrill of being able to solve everybody else’s problems for them then carry on. Just don’t ever expect to be promoted, appreciated, or recognized. You’re going to be stuck there for a while.

Dealing with Problems is Leadership

If you’re afraid to make a mistake, then you don’t be a leader. If you’re afraid your followers are going to make a mistake, then you really shouldn’t be a leader. It’s going to happen, you’re job is to deal with it. If things always went perfectly, and people were totally honest at all times, then we wouldn’t need leaders (or police).

Think of it as a “learning opportunity”, for both them and you. Set things up so that you know before they go off the rails if possible. But you’ll never be able to do that unless you can get everybody else’s monkeys off your desk and onto theirs where they belong.

Being a leader also means developing your people to the point they don’t need you anymore. What will you do then? How about get promoted! You’ve trained your replacement, which makes you more promotable in several respects: there’s no need to find your replacement – you’ve already done it; you’ve a proven track record developing talent; you’re department / division / team is so self-sufficient that your obvious talents are needed elsewhere. Congratulations!

Use These Words:

“What do you think we should do?”

“Have you thought of . . . ?”

. . . and then go ahead and let them do it. Yes, they might not do it the way you would have. They might even be doing it totally wrong, but unless somebody is going to die or get hurt, then it’s okay. It’s their idea, they’re invested in it, and who knows they might just even be able to pull it off. If they fail, they fail, and you help pick things up. If you have to, think of it as training.

If this kind of interaction with your staff is unusual for you, don’t be panicked if they don’t take to your new style right away. Be patient, be consistent, be confident. They’ll come around once they figure out you’re serious.

I think it was The One Minute Manager or a similar book I read years ago talked about how the author’s CFO had made a multi-million dollar mistake in a merger & acquisition situation. The CFO was distraught, and said “I suppose you’ll need to fire me now.” “Why would I do that?”, he replied, “I just spend three million dollars training you. Don’t do it again.”

Discussion

What’s the most important thing you learned from a professional mistake or oversight? How valuable was that lesson to learn?

Why Do Looks Matter?

My son is happy working as a printer, running a fairly complex machine. He has a good work ethic and is loyal to his family and friends. I like him. He’s a good kid. Yet he and I have an ongoing  argument. It’s been going on for years. I can see his point of view because when I was a kid I felt the same way. It kind of goes like this:

It shouldn’t matter what somebody looks like. It’s what’s on the inside that counts

People Trust What They See, Not What They Hear

On some level it really shouldn’t matter what somebody looks like. Sometimes a person’s qualities and contributions are overlooked or missed because we’re caught up in making judgements about their credibility based on appearances. The obvious examples are skin colour or gender. How somebody speaks, how they’re dressed, what school they went to also might have an impact on our impression of them. More subtly and more powerfully, how they stand, personal grooming, smiling also have an effect. Is this always right? Probably not.

So my son is right, but he’s also wrong at the same time. When we’re trying to be effective in an organization full of people, when we’re trying influence other people, what we think doesn’t matter. It’s what they think matters. The alternative is to give the world a great big middle finger and walk away from society. Which is a choice some people have taken.

Most of us make instantaneous, unconscious value judgements based on peoples appearance. Even when we try not to. We’re visual creatures. Our eyes over over-ride ears most times, and it happens faster than a Maserati can make it to MPH. About 4 seconds. After that “cognitive bias” (also known as “people enjoy being right”) sets in, and we begin to disregard everything that doesn’t fit. We only remember the behaviours that fit our first impression.

Always On

This means we leaders, managers, and influencers need to be on our game all the time. “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” is an old saying because there’s some element of truth to it. Even when we’re not at work, people are watching us. I remember getting a little silly at a bar in my early days as a young officer. For me that means I spent some time on the dance-floor in front of the band doing my best impression of what I think of as dancing.

I heard all about it from my sergeant the next day, because I had been seen. A couple of my privates that happened to be at the same bar. They had duly gossiped, uh, reported  it to the rest of the squadron. It was a quick and easy lesson in how leaders are always leaders.  I had another reminder of this the other day, when I had an e-mail come through my blog, asking me to do a favour. My anonymous peer asked me to remind managers of some basics. There’s no nice way to say this, so I’ll just quote:

Love your articles, but there are aspects of leadership you haven’t mentioned and to be honest I didn’t think of them either until I had lunch yesterday with an old friend from the [multi-national name deleted] days. Anyway this person was totally grossed out when his manager, who also dresses shabbily, started to scratch his balls during a meeting. Don’t know how you would write an article about that, other than to suggest that managers should strive to maintain a dignified demeanour at all times.

How much credibility and influence do you think this manager has in his organization? No matter how technically savvy he is, probably not a lot.

Your actions:

  • Brush your teeth and shower regularly
  • Dress appropriately
  • Smile
  • Speak clearly
  • Sit or stand up straight
  • Don’t scratch your privates or pick your nose where others can see you

Do these things for a week if you don’t already, and notice what changes happen in your interactions with other people.

Other Reading:

Fashion tips for grown-up men
On matching shoes and socks
How to dress to impress – professional grooming tips for business women
First impressions and giving employee feedback

Of Feedback, Sambuca, and the Future

I look forward to Friday nights. Usually I’ll be at the archery range followed by a beer at the local watering hole with my lovely wife and fellow archers. I was especially looking forward to this week since I won an archery tournament last weekend up in Edmonton. Woohoo! I was ready to celebrate.

Alas, I’ve come down with a cold. I’m sitting at home watching an Auction Hunters marathon instead, and trying to kill my infection with Sambuca. It seems to help the sinuses. Maybe not, but by the time I finish writing this I won’t care.

Nothing bad (or good) lasts forever. I know I’ll whine and snivel my way through the weekend, and be back on my feet and ready to rock by Monday morning. Attending the team meeting and doing my client preparation for the week. The ability to look to the future is a good thing. Without it we sometimes tend to wallow in our present miseries, and maybe even get stuck there.

Without knowing or imagining what’s going to happen next we might feel trapped and helpless, or even overwhelmed. Many inspiring things in life are future oriented, and they pull us along into the desired next state.

The Value of Concrete, Visual Language

A concrete and visual future can be  inspiring, but warm and fuzzy future is useless. The brain is a visual (and emotional) machine. That’s why when CEO’s want a collectively motivating vision, mission, or purpose, it’s based on concrete visual language. On of my favourite examples is this quote often mis-attributed to General George S. Patton

“I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.”

That’s very concrete language, no?

Recruiters also use visualization. First, if they can see the job they are recruiting for, they have a better chance of filling it with the right person.  Secondly, if they see you performing the job, based on your description of the work you’ve done in the past, then you’ve got a better chance of landing it.

What’s This To Do With Feedback?

Practise doesn’t make perfect, but perfect practise does. Feedback needs to be future oriented. It also needs to be specific and concrete. Pointing out to one of our direct reports that they screwed up / performed brilliantly is not enough.

We have to be specific enough that they know what they’re being criticized / praised. It is necessary but not sufficient to point out the error. They must also rehearse how they are to change their behaviour in the future. Even if this rehearsal is only mental. Otherwise, what you’ll get is the same behaviour next time.

We also have to cast their thinking into the future.  They need to take the responsibility for fixing the problem, changing their behaviour, or doing things differently. This is the purpose of feedback. They need to be able to see themselves doing it differently next time.

Without this last step in the feedback process what will usually happen is that they’ll just do the same thing again. Not out of habit, not out of laziness, not out of stubbornness or thoughtlessness. They just won’t think about it because they haven’t “seen” it done differently.

The Last Question

Assuming we’re giving corrective feedback, the last question in any feedback process needs to be  a variation of:

“What are you going to do differently next time?”*

Questions engage the mind of the person being asked. It allows them to take responsibility for the outcome. Asking the future-oriented question gives them the problem to solve. Instead of waiting for you to hand them the solution.

Which is the point of giving feedback. They change their behaviour. They take responsibility. If you have to do everything for them then what’s the point of having employees? Give them something to do about it, or even mentally rehearse for the future, so they don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over.

So, what are you going to do next?

Other resources:

Manager Tools Podcast


Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose – The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership

*If you’re dealing with positive feedback, the question “What are you going to do differently”. A “Keep it up.”, or “Keep doing that.” works better instead.

Ask Before Giving – Making Feedback Even More Effective

The word “feedback” very often gets defences up and vibrating. Here are some approaches you might want to try  for getting past those defences.

1. Ask first

Why ask? Because then the target of your feedback has some control. Even if they don’t feel they can say no, saying yes to feedback helps lower the defences.

A bit manipulative? Maybe, or you could think of it helping them feel comfortable with what they’re about to hear.

You’re not the kind of boss who asks permission to do your job? Maybe, or you could think of it as being more effective. Defensive people aren’t listening and communication is about the listener does. Don’t worry, the big flashing red “boss” sign over your head never goes away no matter how nice you are.

2. Pleasantly Surprise Them

If you’re already giving positive feedback, good for you. If you’re not, what are you waiting for? There will come a day when you’ll need to give somebody corrective feedback. After all the positive feedback you’re giving they’ll be ready for it and they’ll hear it. In the meantime, keep feeding the monkeys.

3. Don’t push . . .

You’ve asked if you can give your employee feedback, and she says no. Now is not the time to push. You’ve given them a shot over the bow already, and they probably know what it is they’ve screwed up. They need time to collect themselves, or to fix the problem, or something else is on their mind which is why they’re having an off day. In any case, they’re not in a receptive mood. They’re not going to hear you anyway.

Either they’ll change their behaviour without having the conversation (you win, and they get to keep their dignity so you win), or they’ll come back later when they’ve collected themselves and are ready to listen (you win), or they won’t. If they don’t then . . .

4. . . . Until There’s a Pattern

. . . ask to give them feedback again. Do this two or three times until it becomes obvious they are closed to improving or working better with others. In that case it’s time for systemic feedback. Feedback about them not accepting what you, the boss, has to say about their performance. This is a bigger issue, and now they don’t get a choice.

Your Action

Ask to give positive feedback to somebody working for you in your organization every day this week.

Outstanding bosses give feedback continuously, many times a day. If you’re not used to this, and especially if your staff is not used receiving feedback from you, once a day is a good start. Walk before you run.

Further Reading:

Everybody Wants Feedback
How to Give Positive Feedback
How to Give Corrective Feedback
When Your Feedback Gets Pushback