Changing our own bad habits is really hard. Having struggled with smoking most of my adult life I can testify (fifteen weeks without and counting this time). New research into brain plasticity brings us good news and bad news.
The bad news is that habits are even harder to kill than originally thought. Turns out the brain defends itself from change, and with the right triggers long subjugated behaviours are invoked even after years. The person who is changing still have to be self-motivated. They still have to want it. Otherwise the unconscious push-back on their part will actually reinforce the behaviour we’re trying to help them change. It also take longer to support a permanent behavioural changes than thought.
The good news is that with positive re-reinforcement, we can influence other’s thinking. Not too much, but somewhat. Changing old habits and healing old wounds is not so much a matter of re-living, repeating, and excising them. Routing around the ‘damage’ to set up new ways of thinking and habits is much more effective. In others words reliving the reasons, causes, and history only reinforces the behaviour we want to change.
The article also has several interesting things to say about self-perception and self-talk. You know that little voice in the back of your head that tells you what a big faker you are? My personal coach calls it the drunken monkey. I’ve also heard it called the lizard brain. This self-talk actually changes what connections get created in our brain. So what? You think you’re a loser because you tell yourself you’re a loser because you think you’re a loser . . .
The last take-away was how much emotions drive decision-making. More so than we’ve ever realized before, or perhaps even more than we can know because so much of it happens on an unconscious level. I’m not advocating that we should suppress emotions to make better decisions like some sort of Mr. Spock. Awareness of why we’re making certain decisions helps us make better decisions. Greater self-awareness drives greater success, happiness, and alignment of our lives with our values.
So get out your positive feedback, and let people know what behaviour they’ve demonstrated that you want more of. Catch them doing the right thing.
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